A Little Dash Of Irrationality

When things like this happen, I start feeling that we are approaching a point where too much money is chasing woefully small number of opportunities. The event might not even qualify as a rounding-off error in the 350$B Revenues for the year that Wal-Mart closed exit January but what makes me so vexed about it is the inappropriateness of the entire affair. They do need to make the right noises to speed-up the legislation for allowing FDI in retail. But, is this the best trick they have got to lobby with the Indian Government? I am sure that it is not and if the Indian management of this firm thinks otherwise it desperately needs a re-jig. I hope someone is inquiring about the results expected from such an exercise.

It is the same with Cricket, all advertising money chasing one game. This year’s ICC world cup is a case-in-point. Every marketing manager worth his salt might have constructed an IMP (Integrated Marketing Plan) around the world-cup. A host of promotional activities, ad-campaigns, event and what-not planned around it. Even if the India-Pakistan teams were to make it super 8s, most of these plans would have fetched a poor ROI for the firms. At best it would have ended as another bullet point on someone’s CV, who would have then moved on to a better role within or outside the firm. As for money spent on such an activity, one can always site the fact that it is of tactical importance to do so since the competitors would be doing it anyway!

And what is the deal with Jhanvi Kapoor? Out of hibernation on the wedding day? The entire drama was outright hilarious. Apart from the Aj-taks and Mid-Days, International Herald Tribune and Fox News could not resist her charm as well. Indeed she got all the hype that she was looking for but where are film offers that she might have thought would come her way. Even Ekta Kapoor is not willing to cast her in Kayamath (Yes! that is the spelling). And what is the deal with Ekta kapoor? Even the Kanadda and Tamil serials are as weird as the hindi names e.g. kadambariii!

Yes, the world is irrational. And that is the reason why economists and statisticians have a job. The more they try to untangle this chaos into identifiable patterns the more arcane it seems to get. Thankfully, the world is not yet, as insane as it is irrational. Anyway, a little dash of irrationality is something that makes it livable, Warna yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?

The Typical Day

At times, Dilbert is spot on with the day you have had at work. Had one of those days. This strip of three published two days back sums it up really well.

Scott Adams quit working long time back. The fact that he keeps getting these ideas truly amazes me!

गद गद हो गए हैं भैय्या

एकदम गज़ब का आइटम लेकर आयी है गूगल इस बार! बाग़ बाग़ हो गएँ हैं हम तो... आप लोगों का क्या ख़्याल है? आशा करते हैं की बाक़ी ब्लॉगर बंधु भी इसका भरपूर इस्तेमाल करेंगे

इसी आशा से ओत-प्रोत (हाँ भाई अभी पूरी ठीक नहीं हुई है)

आपका
भीड़ मैं एक और आवाज़!

Whatever Happened To The Game!

Yes, I wrote sometime back that I would not talk about cricket for a while! In hindsight, I could not have made such a declaration at a more inopportune time. While the news channels have been smattering the television screens with anything remotely connected with cricket, I have had tried hard to get onto the indifference curve with respect to the game. But have been an utter failure at it!

From the perspective of just the game, this has been the most insipid of world cups in recent memory. While everything else related to cricket grabs headlines, the game itself has taken a back stage. With Woolmer’s death, Coach-Player scuffle in India and with players being dropped for excessive drinking this World cup has the makings of a regular soap. To add to that we have our own Pawar, Vengsarkar, Senior Players and Subhash Chandra to spice-up the proceedings. I think the lure of this gossip is too strong to resist. Even the latest edition of Knowledge@Wharton has an article on the state of cricket in India.

If it were not for Bangladesh, this world cup would have been as exciting as a sun boiled Cola! They have been the source of all excitement at the tournament level. First eliminating India and then defeating South Africa in the super 8s. Arguably, they have the best spin attack in the trio of spinners (mind you – not the best spin bowlers but the best spin attack). Apart from that, Lanka’s bouts with South Africa and England got very interesting towards the end. But over all, most matches have been lop-sided. What is any sport without the proverbial unpredictability? So while one is made to concentrate to everything related to the game, one wonders what happened to the game!

Anyway, let me try my hand at being a soothsayer. As of now, it seems that the final four would be Australia, Sri Lanka, South Africa and New Zealand and in that order as well. So the semi-finals would look like the following:

• SF1: Australia Vs New Zealand
• Outcome: Aussies get a sweet revenge of the pre-world world run down
• SF2: South Africa Vs Sri Lanka
• Outcome: This would be a tough one. But hoping that South Africa wins this one

Now the finals would then be a replay of the 1999 world cup and I am hoping that we see a first time winner. Even if the final clash of Aussies is with the Lankans, I hope the cup comes to the sub-continent. But most likely, the Aussies would take it third time in a row! And I think it will be in line with the bland tournament that we have had till now.

Anyway, I think the composition of the Indian team for the upcoming tour of Bangladesh would make more exciting guesswork. Any thoughts?

Finally, A Cure For The Post Lunch Drowsiness

Most of the readers of this blog have faced severe sleep-attacks after a heavy lunch. In college, it was a matter of great pride. Remember those long sleep sessions so rightfully earned by bunking the classes or labs. However, this prized siesta is one of the first things that a job takes away from you. So while your boss scowls at your hopeless struggle to keep your eyes open through that presentation of gazillion slides, you just wonder if there is a cure for this deadly affliction! So while you wait to become powerful enough to take those 'power' naps, here's a stop gap arrangement for you.

A Japanese puzzle site bailed me out today, as I waited for an important meeting today. You might want to try this (http://www.robmathiowetz.com/) or some other site for the same. It was a puzzle of moderate difficulty but becomes very interesting as you battle a pair of sleep hexed eyelids.

"Everybody has to cross the river"

The following rules apply:

• All of them are on the same side to begin with
  
• Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
• The father can not stay with any of the daughters, without their mother's presence
• The mother can not stay with any of the sons, without their father's presence
• The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member, if the Policeman is not there
• Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft

Let me know if this thing works for you as well!

Say No To...

Back in the 80s and mid-90s, the government wanted the populace to say no to a lot of things that are(?) considered vices. There was a special emphasis on cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sex and other members of this party. Not very sure if that incessant messaging from the CPC of Mandi house worked. A back of the envelope calculation shows that all of them failed miserably. However, I have decided that I am not going to be discouraged by this failure of the government machinery. After all, this is what they specialize at.

I have my own agenda today. May be it was because of a sudden flashback in time. A casual discussion with a friend made me recall the Engineer's and Manager's Oath. Yes, they exist and can probably be a part of Chetan Bhagat's list of eccentricities of the IIT and the IIM life. Somewhere the authors of the oaths have skillfully slipped in a line that bounds me to repay my debt to the society. So I have decided to repay my debt and come out of this unintended delinquency!

This is my first working weekend in a long time. Do not remember working on a weekend ever since I quit The Bank! It brought back the memories of those weekends spent pushing files between the twin towers of Jeevan Bhatri and the Surya Kiran building in Connaught Place. I think all the people working in the iBank family of jobs will have a humongous treasure of such memories. Thus, extensive first hand experience and loads of hearsay puts me in this unique position of relying this message in public interest. Say no to working weekends!

In case you are the kind who looks for top returns on every second spent in life, you would be feeling a bit cheated. Am sure that the message lacked the punch for the kinds of you! Therefore, I would offer something more to you before you click on the red cross in the right corner on the top to effect a closure on this browser window. I am about to share with you something that made it a good Friday! A Salman Khan number from the film Yeh hai Jalwa. I would strongly advise you to see the video or otherwise make-do with the audio. As you might have guessed from the previous post that I am turning into an advocate of anti-piracy these days, so I will just share the lyrics. Hope you like them. Here goes:

Nahin fax, nahin xerox

Nahin telex - na computer ki floppy

[repeat along with some dancing]

[some dhinchak music]

main to mere papa ki Carbon Copy... [a half-hearted yoddle] Carbon Copy [sing to a crescendo]

Trust me, I am not making this up. It is for real!! With that, I leave you to salvage whatever remains of your weekend!

Free Fallin'

The music industry worldwide is in a quandary. The sales have been on a decline for seven continuous years. For the first quarter of this year, the sales are down by 20% q-o-q! This signifies a behavioral shift in The Way Music Is Acquired (TWMIA). A cursory look over the history of music tells you that TWMIA changes every few years. So much so, that one is bound to suspect that the music industry is running a conspiracy of sorts. Every time one gets to accumulate a decent collection in a particular format, the format in which music is stored would change. Of course for the better as they would have us believe - from records to LPs to cassettes to LDs to CDs to the mp format - we have indeed come a long long way.


So every time the format changed, as a music lover you were forced to upgrade - not only the music system but the entire collection of music. A neat way of directing the flow of money from your pockets to the sales ledger kept by that stodgy accountant in the room next to the basement loo. But for the first time, the music companies are eying defeat at their own game. In a way Napster started it all. But the honors in round one were taken by the music companies. Napster was shut down. Few of my friends at IIT were served legal notices in the course of legal process as well. Since then, I have been afraid to use my real address for my online accounts. Anyway, that is beyond the scope of this discussion. Internet did prove to be a difficult medium to control for the companies. In an oblique way it was responsible for the consolidation that happened in the music industry (Sony-BMG, Universal-Vivendi etc). It did redefine the playing ground. The balance of power is now skewed in favour of the consumers for sure. Copying a cassette was cumbersome and an audio CD was next to impossible in the early days (no ubiquitous access to CD burners) and the later days (with the advent of copy protected CD) as well. But Mp format changed it all. One can burn hundreds of songs on a CDs/USB drives. Or conveniently carry thousands of them in that cool device given to you by Steve Job's army of dudes.


A recent Wall Street Journal article highlights the plight of the music industry:



In recent weeks, the music industry has posted some of the weakest sales it has ever recorded. This year has already seen the two lowest-selling No. 1 albums since Nielsen SoundScan, which tracks music sales, was launched in 1991.



One week, "American Idol" runner-up Chris Daughtry's rock band sold just 65,000 copies of its chart-topping album; another week, the "Dreamgirls" movie soundtrack sold a mere 60,000. As recently as 2005, there were many weeks when such tallies wouldn't have been enough to crack the top 30 sellers. In prior years, it wasn't uncommon for a No. 1 record to sell 500,000 or 600,000 copies a week.



In general, even today's big titles are stalling out far earlier than they did a few years ago.



So is that the end of the music industry as we know it? Would the CD turn into a marketing shenanigan to promote tours, merchandise and future brand equity of an artist? I would reckon that it is too early to write an obituary on the structure of music industry. Online sales of music have been rising at an astounding rate of 54%. Even at this rate, the strong decline in CD sales is weighing heavy on industry giants. It would be hard to deny that these are the make or break years for the music industry. It is so easy to download music, videos etc from the ever increasing set of websites, the myspaces, mp3 blogs and the normal data transfer channels. A research report by BigChampagne claims that about a billion songs are traded on illegal file-sharing networks every month! The silver line being the fact that music is reaching more people in smaller time frames. A music lover has never had it this good ;)

However, this would make it difficult for most music companies to invest in budding artists because the risk-return equation on any album has undergone a humungous amount of change over the last decade. Even the best selling artists are finding it difficult to sell more albums. This trend stares you in the eye at the specialty retail chains like MusicWorld, Planet M etc. As late as 2002, I remember crowds thronging these music retail shops. But in 2007, after a gap of about 11 months, I stepped into the Music world at Brigade road. There were exactly 2 customers other than me in the shop – precariously low for the weekend! A walk across the road took me to planet M and the scene was not very different. The shops are not making money and it is evident in the poor quality of the décor, lighting etc – not the signs of a happening retail destination for sure.

While EMI decides to sell without anti-piracy protection in a desperate measure to improve sales, I wonder if the artists and the fans are looking down the barrel as well! If the music marketing companies meet an uncalled-for demise, what would happen for all the good music that is not mass market? What would happen to the marginal artists who are encouraged (?) by the money these companies invest in them? May be, the ‘middle-man’ would die and some internet based music release forum replaces them. May be, it would be better than the present arrangement… may be it would be worse. Only time will tell! Meanwhile let me download that number from Delhi Heights that refuses to leave my consciousness these days!

The Tonight Tamasha!

It started a few weeks back. Or was it days? Who cares...? Feel like stuck in a time warp! The frenzy, the spirited send-offs, the songs sung by all and sundry have come to this. One pathetic day against Bangladesh has forced us into a nail-biting stand-off with the Lankans. I would have wished for an intense, uncertain and an interesting tussle between the ball and the bat anyway for this encounter. But this is not I would have dreamt of in the worst of my nightmares! There is a strong possibility that India be eliminated tonight. I fear for the worst and hope for the best!


This might be my last post on cricket for a long time to come. Yes, the possibility exists. Inspite of the elimination of pakistan, imminent elimination of India, Murder of Woolmer, Sledging off the field and many more of such incidents - I believe many of us would not be interested in Cricket for some time if we were to lose tonight!


With about 10,000 crores riding on the match today in betting money, one just wonders if it is all fixed. A grandiose version of Donald Trump's WWE! Hope not! I think more money enters the betting arena on other sports. As I type this Upul Tharanga has hit Agarkar for two consecutive 4s. And I think the MIB need my support and yours as well!


Here's to the underdog! Am really hoping that this is not the send-off that the stalwarts of yesteryears get. Zaheer just took off Jayasurya...


Hoping to type some more iff you-know-what happens!

Air Dhakkan

Col. Gopalan would be nothing short of overjoyed at this. His heist is working out just fine. And nobody is hauling him to the consumer courts of our defunct customer protection machinery. After all, he is the messiah who has democratized Air travel for the Indian hoi-polloi. Ah! Those days of 99 Rs ticket that would get taxed by another 221 Rs. Gone are those days! Between Messers Gopalan, Krishna and the other civil aviation ministers, they have ensured that air travel does not remain ‘cheap’ anymore. Actually, some credit goes to the oil traders in US and UK exchanges as well!

I made a mistake. I make a lot of mistakes but this is special. I bought a ticket with Deccan and then decided to cancel a leg! Since that fateful decision, I have spent some 98 minutes (and counting!) on the phone listening to the instrumental version of ‘Another Day in Paradise’ and the message ‘Thank you for calling Air Deccan, please wait while your call is being transferred to a customer support executive shortly.’ I have started feeling that I know this lady intimately. No sensible woman has spent so much time talking to me in a long long time! Typical woman she is, no idea of value of time. Lady, I am telling you – 103 minutes (counting) is not shortly. Since she is almost a friend now, I take her advice when she tells me to get onto the website and do what I want to.

Being the normal sensible person I am, I did it even before she told me. But after 7 continuous clicks on ‘Cancel Bookings’ and subsequent encounters with the enclosed screen, I gave up to hear her croon! I hope god offers warranty, my ears are about to fall off!

But, when a woman nags you to get onto a website every 30 seconds for 108 minutes, you do not have much choice. So I logged on to the website. Clicked on the link and voila! A hitherto unseen page appeared before my eyes. I was almost overjoyed. With a tinge of remorse, I almost admitted to myself that at times even nagging women mean well. But how mistaken I was. Because the next page was the following:



It asked me to click on ‘Modify’ or ‘Remove’ button. Any normal person would have been baffled by so much choice. But the abnormal person I am, I embarked on the challenge just to fall short of it. WHERE ARE THE BUTTONS? NOWHERE! Sach bol raha hoon, I am planning to file a FIR at the Gumshuda talash Kendra at Daryaganj, New Delhi. Buttons ko jinda ya murda dhoondne waale ko Rs. 50000/- inaam! Looks like the Dhakkans seem to have taken the line, ‘you can checkout any time you want, but you can never leave’, too seriously!

But thankfully, I had not kept the receiver down. So after 118 minutes, and a total recall of that friends episode that Phoebe spends on the phone, Naveen gets on to the phone. I complain. He is dismissive at best. But thankfully, he does cancel my ticket. So he saved my day (Wednesday of the next week to be precise!). Kal kya hoga kisko pata! Am flying with them tomorrow! Say a small prayer for me tonight. Till then, Khuda kafiz!

Why I Hate Hindu

Have been wanting to write. But could not think of anything that was not threateningly personal to some people. And life has taught me that it makes sense to keep the bakar to myself. Finally, as I was reading this in the top stories section of a newspaper, something in me got as gleeful as it could have gotten.

I subscribe to The Hindu. The no-nonsense newspaper that reports only news worthy of "reporting". So there would be 2000 word articles on health legislation in US, decline of pluralist thought in France, hung parliament in Serbia and time based extrapolative effects of the bhootmange massacre. Heavy stuff, eh? Yes, I admit, I am the masochist of the newspaper world! But every once in a while you need to know if Jade Goody is in India or if Amitabh has a thing for Vidya Balan! It is for this noble reason that I go tap-tap today!

I have a confession to make. I am, for no evident reason, missing Delhi times (To a lesser extent, the Delhi edition of TOI too) today. Those insightful discussions on the glam world, the 3.5* rating for KANK and the delightful pictorial representation of all data. My favorite was the article just after the CSO (Central Statistical Organisation) had estimated that the GDP growth rate for a particular quarter was in excess of 9%. There was this accompanying graph interposed on photograph of a girl with a tantalizingly short skirt with the caption: "Rising Hemlines: GDP growth rates move northwards." I remember Dilip Padgaonkar (TOI, Editor in Chief) justifying this by "a newspaper needs to get the attention to the important news items. We encourage usage of visual aids, as research has proven their efficacy."

Alas! N Ram of Hindu never gets to see this research. The only photograph I cannot forget from last 3 years of uninterrupted Hindu subscription is that of a punctured skull of Veerappan! Sad sight it was. No wonder I prefer to borrow TOI from my neighbours for covering shelves etc. Hindu, the dork it is, never betrays the human penchant for chak-mak gossip. One of these days they would come-up with a small article on Shivaji. But that is about it. No stories on Rakhi Sawant (the one that got the puppy), Elizabeth Taylor-Arun Nayyar wedding, John Abraham being mistaken for Antonio Banderas etc. How can a self-respecting human being exist without all of these? TOI, HT and party have this wisdom and Hindu does not! Someone please tell the content team at Hindu about the embarrassing situation that I am in, when my more informed peer group gossips about the Akshay-Salman tiff over the over-friendliness of Akshay towards Katrina! One look, only one look at me, amidst that conversation would convince Ed. Ram to revamp the entire content management strategy! Remind me to photograph myself, next time it happens.

On a serious note, Hindu sucks at sports coverage. Wonder why they cannot get some of the sportstar people to write every once in a while. Baaki sab to thik hai!