The Nexus

Politics and businesses often work hand-in-glove. They need to as they feed off each other. It is some kind of symbiotic relationship. I think it is required as well. But at times, they forget the consumer or think that the end consumer is a gullible, non-suspecting and defenseless if the two join hands.

Something similar happened when A Raja, Minister of Information Technology and Communication, said that TRAI needs to put together a proposal to fix minimum tariffs. The statement goes on to say that it will benefit the end consumer to a great extent. I do not think anyone from the Ministry or TRAI (Telecom Regukatory Authority of India) would be able to articulate the ‘benefits’, since there aren’t any. This is clearly an in-your-face shameless PR job.

I do understand that the Indian Telecom scene is fiercely competitive. Most firms have been facing a falling ARPU (Avg. Revenue per User). Hence, such a proposal will help the telecom companies to cap their downside. In effect, the end consumer would become price neutral beyond a point as everyone might end-up offering the same rates. Telecom market might become less competitive and companies, to their immense relief, might see the end of the era of falling tariffs. Of course, this comes at the expense of the customers (you and me) who stand to gain from the competition!

This also comes at the expense of an operator(s) who is more efficient in running its business. Such an operator would not be able to pass on any cost benefits to the customer beyond a certain point as TRAI would have capped the minimum tariff. This would imply that an operator would have no incentive to makes operations more efficient or seek better technology to become more competitive.

In a time when we are trying to make businesses more open and competitive, government should avoid taking such retrospective steps. I hope sense prevails and TRAI comes up with a proposal to do away with such an idea. As with everything else, only time would tell!

On Wednesdays

"Hagar - the Horrible" From today's newspaper (Could not get the toon strip)

Hagar is back to home after a long and strenuous day of looting etc. Helga answers the door and before she can say anything, Hagar bursts, "I HATE Mondays"

"But today's Wednesday", A bemused Helga replies.

"In that case, I am not crazy about Wednesdays either!", Says Hagar.

I cannot agree more.

Childhood Dreams

Was reading this article on WSJ that talked about a Professor at CMU. Someone by the name of Randy Pausch who gave his last lecture at CMU a few days back. He is suffering from Pancreatic Cancer and will die in a few days.

This one is so full of life! So I am linking it up here.




Do not worry, I am not giving up cynicism but am not that comfortable with my numbness anymore.

The Twenty-Two Yard Jihad

Yes, we did it! I think an occasion big enough to get me out of my slumber and type out a small note on this page. It was an awesome feeling. A match worthy of a final. Seems to be a good year for India in sports. First Football then Hockey and now Cricket. The 'boys' did us proud.

However, I found the post match conference very interesting. With Shoaib Malik thanking all the Muslims all over the world for supporting Pakistan and getting all apologetic for letting them down.

“I want to thank everyone back home in Pakistan and Muslims all over the world. Thank you very much and I’m sorry that we didn’t win, but we did give our 100 per cent,” Malik said.

Who is he playing for? He should realize that only a small proportion of all Muslims live in Pakistan and not all of them are interested in Cricket. Incidentally, who would Kaneria play for? I believe the answer would be Pakistan and not a specific religion. Almost all teams today have a mix of multiple ethnic identities in their teams.

I think that religion or faith is a personal thing and that is the way it should be treated. As a captain, he should understand that he is speaking for his team. Even though almost all of his team is made up by Muslims, I doubt religion is the reason why they play. I think the glamour, money and pride in playing for the nation (in that order at times) are the reasons why anyone in the sub-continent would be attracted towards the game.

The seductive powers of Religion and the need to confirm socially has played a strong part in the team dynamics of Pakistan. With Yusuf Youhana converting to Islam from Christianity, Sayeed Anwar sporting the beard and the wide cracks in team structure because of public display of religious beliefs - team Pakistan has seen it all. And not all with great results. It has been a bad year for them (apart from T20) and it would do them some good to concentrate on the game and avoid religious overtones. It has taken some time to reduce racism in the cricketing world and the last thing anyone would want is polarization in the name of religion.

Off the Road

Sometime back we started getting bored of the usual running haunts in Bangalore and then someone suggested these two places. Two amazing ways to start your weekend. The one overlooking the lake is from the monolith of Savan-durga and the trail going into the woods is of Bellandur.

Next time you come down to Blore, do remind me to take you to one of these places.

सब दीवारें तोड़ दो!

Saw this on a trip to Nandi Hills

Total filmy laga - the fort that might have been of tactical importance has become lovers' hideout! Actually, the amount of grafitti on the walls really ticked me off। But I will reserve my views on ASI and its attempts to 'conserve' monuments for some other time. Don't know if this story took off at all or may be this was some guy's imagination at work but if it happened, it surely would have been interesting!

Nine Decades of Non-violence

Read this article, Nine Decades of Non-violence, in The Hindu (August 23, 2007). It is a piece about Baji Mohammed who is one of the last living freedom fighters of India. Sainath starts it off as a telling tale of our increasing religious intolerance but soon veers on to the journey of Satyagraha and our own freedom.

Some excerpts:

“We were sitting in the tent, they tore it down. We kept sitting,” the old freedom fighter told us. “They threw water on the ground and at us. They tried making the ground wet and difficult to sit on. We remained seated. Then when I went to drink some water and bent down near the tap, they smashed me on the head, fracturing my skull. I had to be rushed to hospital.”

Baji Mohammed is one of India’s last living freedom fighters — just one of four or five nationally recognised ones still alive in Orissa’s Koraput region. He is not talking about British brutality in 1942.(Though he has much to say on that, too.) He’s describing the vicious attack on him during the demolition of the Babri Masjid in 1992, half a century later. “I was there as part of a 100-member peace team.” But the team was given no peace. The old Gandhian fighter, already in his mid-seventies, spent ten days in hospital and a month in a Varanasi ashram recovering from the injury to his head.

Lets Kill The Brand

These things often start with an advertisement. Somebody in the HRD ministry had this idea of putting up an advertisement in all the newspapers calling for applications to the IIM director’s post. This is indeed in line with the tempestuous relationship that the IIMs have had with the HRD ministry of the governments of the last decade. One might want to ask, what is the big deal with a seemingly harmless advert? Traditionally, the Director’s name has been proposed by the governing council of the institutes and the approved by the HRD ministry. The approval has been a formality but it seems that things might change as the man in the charge of human resource development for the nation wants to meddle more. Bakul Dholakia (Director, IIMA) was initially combative and then allegedly struck a re-conciliatory note (With TOI group, everything has to be allegedly).

What is the big deal with autonomy? Institutes like the IITs and IIMs want greater autonomy because they want the freedom to fix salaries (get/retain the best faculty), start cross-border collaboration programs, improve infrastructure, spend on capability building initiatives etc. However, governments have wanted to increase their grip on these institutes of excellence because it makes strong political statement. I am not sure about the target segment of voters that they are trying to approach via this increasingly meddlesome approach.

So while these steps try to destroy the last vestiges of idealism and excellence in the country, I hope someone wants to build something as well. Governments should try and build alternate brands to the IITs and the IIMs. Merely creating more of such institutes might be counter-productive at best. It would be better if they inject funds for infra development and to attract better faculty at the NITs and the next line of Management institutes. While such steps make headlines, I really wonder if Arjun Singh is bothered beyond gaining some cheap publicity out of this. Would be great if his bunch of cronies apply themselves to improving the primary and the secondary education infrastructure than with such retro steps. Anyway, all this would be nothing more that noise for them so let me not waste my time either.

Lage Raho

As I type this there are at least three online petitions trying to garner, what else, support. The petitioners are pitching the case of Munna Bhai to our government. The underlying motif being that the guy who preaches Gandigiri cannot be bad. He should not be made to serve his (excessive) sentence. Have we lost it totally? I would want to think that the answer to that is NO! However I seriously doubt the sanity of the 148 and 4300 people who have signed it on gopetition.com and petitiononline respectively.

Here’s an excerpt from the petition on petitiononline.com (You will have to read the comments to believe them with some comparing Sanjay Dutt with Valmiki)

Sanjay Dutt has already suffered 14 long grueling years waiting for the verdict… He has served 18 months in jail as an under trial….He has already repented a lot more for a mistake committed in his youth… As far as I can remember we all have always been taught that the reason a person is jailed is in order to make him a better person .. a more reformed individual fit for the society… And in no way is a person jailed just to punish him…. So why jail a person who has already repented and gone through so much of anguish and pain in the last 14 years of this trial ..Why jail a person who is already reformed? Why jail a person who is in no way harmful to the society… And anyway who are we to punish some one for his mistakes … Just like Jesus Christ once said “Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone”

I never knew that Law aims only to reform and not to punish. Whatever happened to the good old idea of setting a precedent and acting as a deterrent to any deviant behavior! Another argument put forth is that if a person has asked for forgiveness and apologized for the ‘mistake’ he should be let off. Would we be willing to do that in the case of a normal thug?

May be I should not be reacting to this. May be it is too childish… just a simple case of confusing the screen identity for all that the person stands for. May be it is just a belief that future should have a smaller weight attached to the past. But that does not mean that one can get away from his past. And that is the way things should be! It is important to set this precedent so that public personalities understand that they are not above the law. Hope that the budding Salmans, Pataudis, Nandas and others with the financial muscle would take a lesson from this and would sincerely try not to side-step the law all the time.

Jhoot Bole Kauwa Kate!

Routine.

Handphone alarm goes off at 5:15 AM – the familiar screech and the flashing message of ‘WAKE UP!’ I woke up with the desire of snuggling back into the comfort of the quilt. Desire often comes with a gnawing guilt. This time it was the commitment to Praveen that I would tag along for the Wednesday Speed training at Cubbon park. I did what felt right!

I caved.

So I shot a message that I had sprained my ankle and would not be able to join in. Thus, buying some more time for sleep (and exonerating myself from any value judgment that preveen might make). Guilt had her own way of finding her way back into my consciousness. Hence, when I woke up at 7:00 AM I was remorseful for not having run. So I rushed and put on my shoes. A healthy 6 Km run at an above average pace. Felt great! Last 600m, I sped and guess what, I sprained my ankle!

Am just hoping that I would be in shape for the weekend runs!

Are We Biased?

Three interesting ‘events’ that happened in the recent past makes me feel that the Law enforcement machinery is biased. Biased negatively towards the Muslim populace in the country (if not inclined towards the Hindu majority).

Event 1: Md. Haneef is detained under Australian terror laws and is subsequently freed after the public outcry in Australia

Event 2: Sanjay Dutt’s conviction in the Bombay Blasts case ends with a sentence of rigorous imprisonment for six years

Event 3: Sulaiman Memon is acquitted after spending 6 long years in jail as an under-trial whilst his wife is handed a life sentence

From Frontline on the Mumbai blasts case:

Zakir Hussain burst out in court that the judiciary was biased.
“If a Hindu does something, a commission is set up. But if a Muslim does something, he is hanged,” he shouted.

Outside the courtroom, family members of the convicted echoed this sentiment. “It was one-sided. What happened to the Srikrishna Commission report? Why was it not implemented? What happened to those who killed innocent Muslims during the riots?” asked an inconsolable Ismailbi, Abdul Khan’s mother

In the blasts case, 100 have been sentenced, 12 have been sentenced to death, 20 given life terms. I cannot help but wonder that if it were Salman Khan in place of Sanju baba in the ‘AK-56 possession’ case, it might have been a longer sentence. Someone would need to answer these questions that the media and a few in the society have been asking. The congress government that believes that they are the most secular of governments in recent times might want to hazard an answer to them. I think they will try and make some politically correct statements given the fact that the Loksabha elections are not too far now!

What is an act of terror? I do not know how the law defines it but I do believe that organized riots like the ones in Sikh riots (1984), Mumbai Riots (1992-93), Gujarat Riots (2003) are also acts of terror. However the Indian law enforcement machinery would not want to pass any sentence on any of these with such sense of idealism that we have seen in the Mumbai blasts case. Mind you, I am not saying that the judgments by Justice PD Kode were wrong. I hope that they are as righteous as such cases should be, especially in terms of setting the right precedent. But I cannot help but wonder what happened to the report submitted by Justice Srikrishna commission. The NDA government in power (Centre and State) did its bit to rubbish it but the present regime is not worried about it either. Was it because the ‘fish’ named were too big to be nabbed by the net of the Law?

Dr. Haneef’s episode is another case-in-point to illustrate the bias in our government machinery. It curiously refused to (re)act. I think the conclusions of team at the (Ministry of External Affairs) would have been in line with the English and the Australian government i.e. Muslim=Terrorist!! I fail to understand how MEA forgot that he is an Indian citizen as well. Was it not our responsibility to speak-up on his behalf? The lackadaisical requests that the government made (post the public outcry in Australia and their media) were lame at best. Though we did get loud once it was clear that he would be let off the hook. Our media acted in a similar fashion.

However, in Sanju Baba’s case the media (and some from political jamboree) is all over the place, shouting themselves hoarse about the ‘unfair’ nature of the sentence. We have spin doctors telling us how he has a heart of gold, how he shared a wonderful rapport with Abhishek Bacchan and Zayed khan and how he advised DJ Aqeel against the usage of dugs etc. I understand that they believe that these are reasons good enough for Mr. Dutt to be released or to be awarded a truncated sentence! These ‘supporters’ seem to believe that illegal procurement of arms from the chief conspirator and then their destruction to save oneself from the law does not warrant this kind of a sentence. Not to forget that he was named a co-conspirator in the initial phases of the case, a charge that was subsequently dropped.

Sulaiman saw his business destroyed in the 6 years he spent in Jail. His wife Rubina got a life sentence because her car was used in the bombing. Apparently there is no other evidence that she was a part of the planning or abetted the conspiracy. However, the lady behind the veil who might have not had any clue about what her Brothers-in-law were up to will spend the rest of her life behind bars.

While our law ensures that the guilty are punished, it should also appear impartial. We might find it increasingly difficult to include the Gen-next of muslims in our mainstream if they cannot trust the Government. They need to believe that the law is impartial and would punish the guilty irrespective of their religious moorings. A good starting point might be a quick closure on all riot cases that have been stowed away in cold storage. I hope it is not too much to ask for!

The World's gone Potty

Trusted sources tell me that the first few words are:

The two men appeared out of nowhere, a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane. For a second they stood quite still, wands directed at each other’s chests; then, recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction.

Apparently a few of us cannot wait anymore. So words and phrases and rumours are doing rounds. Relax, am not about to disclose anything here on the lines of 'Snape killed Dumbledore'. Betting sites are doing brisk business on 'Harry and Ginny Dying', 'Ron and Hermione dying', 'Regulus Black being R.A.B.' and, hold your breath, 'Minerva McGonagall being the humble servant of Voldemort in Hogwarts'. News anchors who have not read a single Harry Potter book are getting very excited about the entire thing. Almost everyone knows that the new book gets released tonight.

Somehow I feel nauseated with this marketing/PR operation being run by publishers and retailers. It seems like an overdose of Harry to my muggle mind. I do understand that some of the excitement is genuine and anticipated but the mass hysteria is a cleverly managed production of the marketing types. I think the entire campaign should have been a little muted and controlled in its execution. For the last 50 days, there has not been a single day when I have not encountered media coverage on something related to either the Celluloid or Cellulose format of JK Rowling's creation. Am tired and in a way relieved that this tamasha is finally coming to an end. Here's hoping that JK Rowling writes nothing of Harry's adventures anymore!

Disclosure: Have pre-ordered the book. Would like to proclaim myself a victim of the sales exercise.

Kal, Aaj aur Kal

We were at Sonakshi Sharma’s place. Her waiters conveniently ignoring us while we kept ourselves busy with some idle chatter. The conversation following the typical pattern: women, movies, sports and politics. As we chanced onto this animated discussion about agricultural expertise of Amitabh Bachan, the music system started playing ‘Main Jahan Rahoon’ from Namaste London. Just like that dog of Pavlov, we changed gears and started discussing Katrina. So who was the Katrinaisque leading lady of the 70s? Without doubt, Saira Bano! And B&W era? Sadhna? So it carried on. The discussion about finding the parallels across the years of bollywood history.

Am sure there would be many more. But no more time to kill – will stop here!

Addendem: Happy Birthday

Adding a few more numbers (in no order of preference):

1. Aaj Kal Paon Zameen par - Ghar
2. Tujhse Naaraz nahin Jindagi - Masoom
3. Yeh Mera Dil to Pagal Hai - Gardish
4. Tumhe Chorr kar Ab jeene ko - Basera
5. Tu Tu hai Wahi - Yeh Wada Raha
6. Jab Andhera Hota hai - Raja Rani
7. Jeevan ke Har mod par - Jhoota Kaheen Ka
8. Roz Roz Aakhon Tale - Jeeva
9. Rah Pe rahte Hain - Bamkeen
10. O Mere Sona Re - Teesri Manzil
11. Ek hi Khawaab - Kinara

There are many many more of them. It is impossible to capture his genius in a couple of lists!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Pancham! Thanks for all the music!

Most of the pre-90s generation has grown up with RD’s music forming the background score of our lives. Most of the time we have associated him with the wild beats and pulsating music that the songs like ‘Dum Maro Dum’, ‘Mehbooba’, ‘Poocho na yaar’, ‘Aapke Kamrein mein’ etc. While he defined music for the angst filled generation of the 70s, he was one of the most melodious music directors that have had anything to do with Indian film music.

All time Favourite Pancham Melodies:

1. Chotti Si Kahani Se – Ijjazat
2. Phir Wohi Raat hai – Ghar
3. Huzur is kadar bhi na – Masoom
4. Kaheen na Jaa – Bade Dil Wala
5. Khamosh sa Afsana – Libaas
6. Chaand Mera Dil – Hum kisi se kam nain (the wakau number)
7. Kis mod se jaatein hai – Aandhi
8. Aye Ri Pawan – Bemisaal
9. Tumne Mujhe Dekha – Teesri Manzil
10. Gum hai kissi ki Yaad Mein – Rampur Ka Lakshman
11. Tere liye Palkon ki Jhalar Bunoon – Harjayee
12. Kahana Hai aaj tumse Pheli baar – Padosan
13. Tumse Milke AISA Laga – Parinda
14. Yaadon ki Baraat – Yaadon ki Baarat (especially the antras)
15. Gulmohar gar tumhara naam hota – Devtaa
16. Aane Waala Pal – Golmaal
17. Kis liye maine pyaar kiya – The Train
18. Chingaru Koi Bhadke – Amar Prem
19. Tum Bin Jaun Kahan – Pyar ka Mausam
20. Sholay Theme – Sholay (Honorary Mention)

You might notice that all these songs were either the songs of sadness, separation or longing and even philosophical… all of them in minor chords. But absolute soul stirrers nonetheless!

Yeh thi khabarein aaj tak

Many of us would remember ‘The World This Week’ that was presented by Prannoy Roy in his signature style in the 80s. The program remained our window to the world news for long. Many of us would also remember ‘Parakh’ that was hosted by Vinod Dua in his booming voice. But as I read this article today, I realized that how much I have forgotten and how much I miss SP… SP who? Surendra Pratap Singh of the Aaj Tak days. Aaj Tak not the news channel of ‘Shweta Tiwari’s married life in tatters - breaking news’ fame but of the most charming sign-off line in the history of Indian News reporting. Remember SP’s spirited 'Yeh thi khabarein aaj tak; intezar khijeye kal tak.’

I still believe that it was one of the best news shows on Indian Television. I would tend to favour it because it was in Hindi but even if I take off the hindi bias that I have, it was a hard-hitting no-nonsense show that was exemplary in content and style. Most of our modern day journalists have styled their delivery style on SP. Over the years, the number of news channels has proliferated but sadly there are hardly any good anchors at least in Hindi. We have to make do with a watered down Dua, an over-the-top Rajat Sharma and air-between-the-ears kind of non-sensical bodies. In such times, SP you are sorely missed…

Madam President

Finally, the Congress government has been able to grab a spot for itself in history. Of course, this is under the foregone assumption that the 54% strong majority will not jump sides over a minor issue like the president’s election. What is even more astounding (and scary as well) is that we would have the same woman as the Prime Minister as well? There are absolutely no-limits to what Sonia Gandhi can achieve. I mean she has a full-time job as the Prime Minister but she wants more! So another unsuspecting (?) dummy candidate is being brought into the fray.

We are in a situation where the Prime Minister’s Offices have been brought into such disrepute that the constituents of the government have scant regard for anything to do with that office. The parallel power centre rather the power centre of this government resides in 10-11 Janpath and each member of the coalition know which side of the bread is buttered! I have admired the astuteness with which Sonia has managed her political courier. Even with her legacy, it was a tough job and she has done well for herself. Whether she has done well for India would be a discussion that would die even before developing into a full blown argument!

However, this inexplicable urge of sullying the President’s office cannot and should not be ignored. I would like to believe that being a staunch loyalist to the Gandhi family should not be the only qualification under consideration for the country’s highest office. Some might want to argue that the President is nothing but a figurehead – so it does not matter. That is the precise reason why it matters! The same figurehead is one of the brand ambassadors of my country to the rest of the world. Governor Patil might have had a clean record as a politician but I will be unable to stand her as my president because she at best would be a façade for the Italian lady who governs our country. This would be nothing more than a re-run of the Indira-Jail Singh episode. From the reports that I have been hearing & reading, irrespective of the desires of many of us, the inevitable is bound to happen…

As We Age

60^th Year of Independence, 150^th anniversary of the first war of independence and the 57^th year of the Republic are the numbers that indicate our aging as a nation. As we age, I get a feeling that we have leapfrogged the stage of maturity and are knocking at the doors of senility. Lagta hai sathiya gaye hain hum log! How else do you explain the increasing fundamentalist rhetoric in the country? I guess most of you would be aware about the not so recent happenings at the Maharaja Sayajirao University (MSU) Baroda. IITB visitors to this blog would remember it as the college with hot women that always missed the podium at the FashP in Mood Indigo! Anyway, Chandramohan Srilamantula, a student of the arts faculty at MSU happened to work on three graphic illustrations, two on the Indian Mythology (One on Durga and another on the lines of Dashavataram) and a third one featuring the Cross in an internal examination. Apparently the fragile religious sentiments of a few were bruised. Lo and behold, we had ‘activists’ from VHP/ BJP/ Bajrang Dal and a few motley Christian groups protesting against this attack on the ‘Indian’ culture and traditions. And in a total before-you-blink kind of style, the Gujarat Police exercised its powers and quickly arrested the ‘culprit’ for hurting, what else, religious sentiments. Most of the university faculty and student community was aghast at this development. The Dean of the Arts Faculty at MSU, Shivaji Panikkar refused to issue an apology and was immediately suspended at the behest of the state government. Incidentally, the student – Chandramohan happens to be the only student from Gujarat in 2005-06 to receive the prestigious Lalit Kala Academy National award for exhibited excellence in his works.

The detractors claimed that even the students were against this unabashed depiction of religious figures. We had the young student leaders (who of course are in their early 40s/late 30s) of the BJP affiliated ABVP wax eloquent about the vulgar and brazen nature of the illustrations. The leader of the opposition, a certain Lal Krishna Advani had the gall to say that freedom of expression is contingent to religious sentiments not being hurt! I fail to understand his locus standi at his crude attempt to qualify one of my fundamental rights. Hope someone has the good sense of reminding him that India is still the democracy and thankfully not the ‘Ram-rajya’ that he and his cohort of buffoons might want her to be!

And of course, there has been this fresh furore over the sketches of one MF Hussain and a ludicrous judgment issued by a lower court in Haridwar. Thankfully, good sense prevailed as the 24 hr news machinery cried itself hoarse and we had the Supreme Court stalling the order. It would be interesting to note that Hussain had relocated to Dubai 6 years back due to the constant outbursts of the ‘hurt’ segments! We have also seen the drama around non-hindus not being allowed to enter temples. Yesudas was denied entrance to the Guruvayur Temple because he is not a Hindu. Though there seems to be no hesitation in playing bhajans sung by the same yesudas in the temple. I have entered the Dargah Shareef at Ajmer and the Buddhist Gompas in Ladakh without anyone enquiring about my religious beliefs. I wonder what happened to the Hindu philosophy of ‘vasudhaiv kutumbam’ – entire world being one large family! We also have had Christian associations creating a scene around the release Da Vinci’s Code. This happened whilst the rest of the Christian world, which is numerically stronger, allowed screening of the film without much hue and cry! Guess I can simply go on and on – on this!

All this and the day-to-day incidents make me feel that we are losing it as a nation. We are a 5000 year old civilization and I think its time we act our age. I fail to understand how we have managed to pollute the moderate nature of our way-of-life! I try but cannot justify the free proliferation of fundamentalists in our country. It might be possible that all is not lost yet. We have some voices that have been unequivocal in their support for the freedom of expression. But it is high time that moderates stop being nonchalant … I mean non-vocal about the increasingly extremist events in the society. For whatever it is worth, Hindustan is one of the few successful democracies to emerge out of the imperialist era. It is important that we do not fall into the ‘righteous’ trap of fascism. So speak up, you also have a stake and an important one at that!

A Worthy Thought

Read this at the beginning of a movie on HBO. Do not know how the movie was as I left it almost as soon as it started but the thought, one that has been attributed to Plato, lingered …

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle!

Really??

In the loving memory of Keeda

Got this forward a few days back. Yes, I still know people who believe that Orkut, yahoo and every other portal is dying to shell out money for saving someone’s life (Mind you, nothing less!). One of those mails that prompt you into using shift+delete, if you happen to use Microsoft outlook. Read through:

IIT Bombay student Anupam Biswas 5th Year Mechanical Engg is suffering from Colukabki (caused due to excessive nabad and depression) a disease very rarely found (3 in a billion). His condition is very pathetic and the treatment is very expensive, obviously his parents are not able to afford his treatment. Orkut has agreed to pay 1 paisa after each time this message is forward. So please pass to all ur friends. Please i request you to pass it to as many people as u can and lets try to save someone's life. I request please do not ignore this. It will take less than 1 min of urs to help save someone's life

This was so IITisque keeda that I could not help but smile! It had IITB written all over it. Am sure there would be some Anupam Biswas who would have been nbdoo and there would have been lots and lots of people who would have wanted to take his case! By the way, NBD (pronounced: nabad) is a high strung state – almost at the verge of Nervous Break Down (abbr: NBD) – frequently used to take a jibe at someone by the keedabaajs. The colloquial usage is for insulting anyone who gets tense about something that you are cool with. For e.g., Abey nbdoo, kyun nbd le raha hai, endsems poore aadhe ghante door hai!­!­

Anyway, this post is dedicated to all keedas and all my partners-in-crime! Relax, Am not about to recount them on this forum ;). However, we can probably take this opportunity to tell ourselves that we have started taking life too seriously, ‘ITNIII Nbd mat le yaar!’

Quiz Show : Re-visited

KBC seems to be in the hot seat. The Delhi High Court has directed the MRTPC (Monopolies and Restrictive Trade Practices Commission) to probe into the way the Quiz show is conducted. It was a story that has been in the making for long. People and more importantly the media, feel that KBC for celebrities is easier than it is for the normal participants. The impression gathered critical mass as the celebrities started winning hefty cash prizes. As murmurs grew into noise, we had a Mr. Anuj Kumar Bharti filing a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) with the Delhi high court. Apparently, general junta seems to be surprised at this!

This is a repeat of the Federal Communications Commission Vs American broadcasting Company Inc. case that played itself out in the United States in 1950s. The 1994 movie Quiz Show captured the drama on celluloid. The show in question was Twenty One. The participant had to answer more questions than a competitor to get onto a total score of 21 before the competitor to win the big cash prize. This continued week-on-week till a 'Challenger' got to the magical number of 21 before the original participant.

The final judgment in the case under discussion was in the favour of the defendant (ABC et al). The argument being that the show was an entertainment show. It was not supposed to be an educational program. The defendant’s lawyers went on to compare the show to a ‘give-away’ on TV – only to add a qualifier that it was a slightly involved kind of a ‘give-away’ with a huge cash sum involved (Click on that link above if you need to know all the details). All the participants in the US TV show, Tewnty One, signed an agreement with the firm that made them a willing party to the photo-op.

The argument might hold true in the Indian Case as well. Though, a big difference being that Airtel made a lot of money from SMS and Phone Calls to the KBC dedicated lines. I am guessing that Star and Mr. Basu’s firm Synergy will admit to rigging the show and claim that there is nothing wrong with it. I happen to agree to this as well. After all, it is not more than a comic act at best. Also, it might be compared to a lottery. However, in India, a company needs a license to run a lottery. Plus, many states have made lotteries illegal. So the show might be on the wrong side of the law not because of the MRTPC regulations but for running an illegitimate lottery! May be some smart lawyer would compare it to a lucky draw or give-away again (taking a cue from the US case) with a large cash prize attached to it! And may be the Star TV Network and Synergy will get away with it.

Of course, the news channels will have many days worth of breaking-news from this tamasha. As far as the Indian public is concerned, we will do the usual collective loss of memory and continue to enjoy the shows and fancy the prize monies.

PS: On a totally un-related note (which incidentally is my most favorite of notes), don’t you think that 1994 was one of the best years of Hollywood with films like Forrest Gump, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show, The Shawshank Redemption, Léon and The Lion King! This list remains small as I am not including the popular hit movies like The Mask, Four Wedding and a Funeral etc. in this list.

The (Ab)Use Of Power

Power Corrupts! We have known this aphorism since recorded history and beyond. But does it inject imbecility as well? George W Bush vows to veto the senate vote! Would like to issue an anticipatory apology to the imbeciles for the comparison. And interestingly, he is not the only person who believes that the war is justified. Almost half of the US senate believes the same as well. I hope someone does a VLCC style ‘Before’ and ‘After’ of Iraq for him. Common people across the globe are being affected in one way or the other. The brutal killing of Suryanarayana in the not so recent past reminds us how neutral countries might be affected as well.

River and her family are moving from Baghdad. This is what she had to say about leaving:

On the one hand, I know that leaving the country and starting a new life somewhere else- as yet unknown- is such a huge thing that it should dwarf every trivial concern. The funny thing is that it’s the trivial that seems to occupy our lives. We discuss whether to take photo albums or leave them behind. Can I bring along a stuffed animal I've had since the age of four? Is there room for E.'s guitar? What clothes do we take? Summer clothes? The winter clothes too? What about my books? What about the CDs, the baby pictures?

The problem is that we don't even know if we'll ever see this stuff again. We don't know if whatever we leave, including the house, will be available when and if we come back. There are moments when the injustice of having to leave your country, simply because an imbecile got it into his head to invade it, is overwhelming. It is unfair that in order to survive and live normally, we have to leave our home and what remains of family and friends… And to what?

It's difficult to decide which is more frightening- car bombs and militias, or having to leave everything you know and love, to some unspecified place for a future where nothing is certain.

I still cannot believe that Oil and a slightly sluggish US economy prompted the US President and his coterie of yes-men into this conflict. As a bystander, I have the option of doing the helpless shrug and forgetting about this. But the problem is that I am not a bystander anymore. Such conflicts are increasingly polarizing the world. I believe this is the most significant threat to world peace since the cold-war and the nuclear arms race. Images like these can induce indignation and vengeance in the most gentle of souls. However, the political rhetoric around the conflict continues to instigate than to reconcile.

India faces a significant threat from this polarization. The Hindu-Muslim relations have been strained due to a variety of reasons. The report prepared by Justice Rajinder Sachhar highlights the failure of successive governments of assimilating the Indian Muslim into the Indian Social fabric. Given the porous borders and the strong presence of separatist elements in the country, we run a significant risk of disrupting the precarious peace in many parts of India. I do not know if we can afford the indifference of the Indian government on this issue. I do not understand the love-affair of our politicians with the technique of silent protests. What is the reason for this inexplicable silence? At least, the French had the gumption to speak-up!

At times, I think if this scenario is similar to the policy of appeasement that the European powers used during the rise of Hitler. Given the present nuclear balance, the next world war cannot be amongst nation states. It will be a wide-spread uncontrollable skirmish. Are we already into the Third World War? I really hope not!

A Little Dash Of Irrationality

When things like this happen, I start feeling that we are approaching a point where too much money is chasing woefully small number of opportunities. The event might not even qualify as a rounding-off error in the 350$B Revenues for the year that Wal-Mart closed exit January but what makes me so vexed about it is the inappropriateness of the entire affair. They do need to make the right noises to speed-up the legislation for allowing FDI in retail. But, is this the best trick they have got to lobby with the Indian Government? I am sure that it is not and if the Indian management of this firm thinks otherwise it desperately needs a re-jig. I hope someone is inquiring about the results expected from such an exercise.

It is the same with Cricket, all advertising money chasing one game. This year’s ICC world cup is a case-in-point. Every marketing manager worth his salt might have constructed an IMP (Integrated Marketing Plan) around the world-cup. A host of promotional activities, ad-campaigns, event and what-not planned around it. Even if the India-Pakistan teams were to make it super 8s, most of these plans would have fetched a poor ROI for the firms. At best it would have ended as another bullet point on someone’s CV, who would have then moved on to a better role within or outside the firm. As for money spent on such an activity, one can always site the fact that it is of tactical importance to do so since the competitors would be doing it anyway!

And what is the deal with Jhanvi Kapoor? Out of hibernation on the wedding day? The entire drama was outright hilarious. Apart from the Aj-taks and Mid-Days, International Herald Tribune and Fox News could not resist her charm as well. Indeed she got all the hype that she was looking for but where are film offers that she might have thought would come her way. Even Ekta Kapoor is not willing to cast her in Kayamath (Yes! that is the spelling). And what is the deal with Ekta kapoor? Even the Kanadda and Tamil serials are as weird as the hindi names e.g. kadambariii!

Yes, the world is irrational. And that is the reason why economists and statisticians have a job. The more they try to untangle this chaos into identifiable patterns the more arcane it seems to get. Thankfully, the world is not yet, as insane as it is irrational. Anyway, a little dash of irrationality is something that makes it livable, Warna yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?

The Typical Day

At times, Dilbert is spot on with the day you have had at work. Had one of those days. This strip of three published two days back sums it up really well.

Scott Adams quit working long time back. The fact that he keeps getting these ideas truly amazes me!

गद गद हो गए हैं भैय्या

एकदम गज़ब का आइटम लेकर आयी है गूगल इस बार! बाग़ बाग़ हो गएँ हैं हम तो... आप लोगों का क्या ख़्याल है? आशा करते हैं की बाक़ी ब्लॉगर बंधु भी इसका भरपूर इस्तेमाल करेंगे

इसी आशा से ओत-प्रोत (हाँ भाई अभी पूरी ठीक नहीं हुई है)

आपका
भीड़ मैं एक और आवाज़!

Whatever Happened To The Game!

Yes, I wrote sometime back that I would not talk about cricket for a while! In hindsight, I could not have made such a declaration at a more inopportune time. While the news channels have been smattering the television screens with anything remotely connected with cricket, I have had tried hard to get onto the indifference curve with respect to the game. But have been an utter failure at it!

From the perspective of just the game, this has been the most insipid of world cups in recent memory. While everything else related to cricket grabs headlines, the game itself has taken a back stage. With Woolmer’s death, Coach-Player scuffle in India and with players being dropped for excessive drinking this World cup has the makings of a regular soap. To add to that we have our own Pawar, Vengsarkar, Senior Players and Subhash Chandra to spice-up the proceedings. I think the lure of this gossip is too strong to resist. Even the latest edition of Knowledge@Wharton has an article on the state of cricket in India.

If it were not for Bangladesh, this world cup would have been as exciting as a sun boiled Cola! They have been the source of all excitement at the tournament level. First eliminating India and then defeating South Africa in the super 8s. Arguably, they have the best spin attack in the trio of spinners (mind you – not the best spin bowlers but the best spin attack). Apart from that, Lanka’s bouts with South Africa and England got very interesting towards the end. But over all, most matches have been lop-sided. What is any sport without the proverbial unpredictability? So while one is made to concentrate to everything related to the game, one wonders what happened to the game!

Anyway, let me try my hand at being a soothsayer. As of now, it seems that the final four would be Australia, Sri Lanka, South Africa and New Zealand and in that order as well. So the semi-finals would look like the following:

• SF1: Australia Vs New Zealand
• Outcome: Aussies get a sweet revenge of the pre-world world run down
• SF2: South Africa Vs Sri Lanka
• Outcome: This would be a tough one. But hoping that South Africa wins this one

Now the finals would then be a replay of the 1999 world cup and I am hoping that we see a first time winner. Even if the final clash of Aussies is with the Lankans, I hope the cup comes to the sub-continent. But most likely, the Aussies would take it third time in a row! And I think it will be in line with the bland tournament that we have had till now.

Anyway, I think the composition of the Indian team for the upcoming tour of Bangladesh would make more exciting guesswork. Any thoughts?

Finally, A Cure For The Post Lunch Drowsiness

Most of the readers of this blog have faced severe sleep-attacks after a heavy lunch. In college, it was a matter of great pride. Remember those long sleep sessions so rightfully earned by bunking the classes or labs. However, this prized siesta is one of the first things that a job takes away from you. So while your boss scowls at your hopeless struggle to keep your eyes open through that presentation of gazillion slides, you just wonder if there is a cure for this deadly affliction! So while you wait to become powerful enough to take those 'power' naps, here's a stop gap arrangement for you.

A Japanese puzzle site bailed me out today, as I waited for an important meeting today. You might want to try this (http://www.robmathiowetz.com/) or some other site for the same. It was a puzzle of moderate difficulty but becomes very interesting as you battle a pair of sleep hexed eyelids.

"Everybody has to cross the river"

The following rules apply:

• All of them are on the same side to begin with
  
• Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
• The father can not stay with any of the daughters, without their mother's presence
• The mother can not stay with any of the sons, without their father's presence
• The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member, if the Policeman is not there
• Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft

Let me know if this thing works for you as well!

Say No To...

Back in the 80s and mid-90s, the government wanted the populace to say no to a lot of things that are(?) considered vices. There was a special emphasis on cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, unsafe sex and other members of this party. Not very sure if that incessant messaging from the CPC of Mandi house worked. A back of the envelope calculation shows that all of them failed miserably. However, I have decided that I am not going to be discouraged by this failure of the government machinery. After all, this is what they specialize at.

I have my own agenda today. May be it was because of a sudden flashback in time. A casual discussion with a friend made me recall the Engineer's and Manager's Oath. Yes, they exist and can probably be a part of Chetan Bhagat's list of eccentricities of the IIT and the IIM life. Somewhere the authors of the oaths have skillfully slipped in a line that bounds me to repay my debt to the society. So I have decided to repay my debt and come out of this unintended delinquency!

This is my first working weekend in a long time. Do not remember working on a weekend ever since I quit The Bank! It brought back the memories of those weekends spent pushing files between the twin towers of Jeevan Bhatri and the Surya Kiran building in Connaught Place. I think all the people working in the iBank family of jobs will have a humongous treasure of such memories. Thus, extensive first hand experience and loads of hearsay puts me in this unique position of relying this message in public interest. Say no to working weekends!

In case you are the kind who looks for top returns on every second spent in life, you would be feeling a bit cheated. Am sure that the message lacked the punch for the kinds of you! Therefore, I would offer something more to you before you click on the red cross in the right corner on the top to effect a closure on this browser window. I am about to share with you something that made it a good Friday! A Salman Khan number from the film Yeh hai Jalwa. I would strongly advise you to see the video or otherwise make-do with the audio. As you might have guessed from the previous post that I am turning into an advocate of anti-piracy these days, so I will just share the lyrics. Hope you like them. Here goes:

Nahin fax, nahin xerox

Nahin telex - na computer ki floppy

[repeat along with some dancing]

[some dhinchak music]

main to mere papa ki Carbon Copy... [a half-hearted yoddle] Carbon Copy [sing to a crescendo]

Trust me, I am not making this up. It is for real!! With that, I leave you to salvage whatever remains of your weekend!

Free Fallin'

The music industry worldwide is in a quandary. The sales have been on a decline for seven continuous years. For the first quarter of this year, the sales are down by 20% q-o-q! This signifies a behavioral shift in The Way Music Is Acquired (TWMIA). A cursory look over the history of music tells you that TWMIA changes every few years. So much so, that one is bound to suspect that the music industry is running a conspiracy of sorts. Every time one gets to accumulate a decent collection in a particular format, the format in which music is stored would change. Of course for the better as they would have us believe - from records to LPs to cassettes to LDs to CDs to the mp format - we have indeed come a long long way.


So every time the format changed, as a music lover you were forced to upgrade - not only the music system but the entire collection of music. A neat way of directing the flow of money from your pockets to the sales ledger kept by that stodgy accountant in the room next to the basement loo. But for the first time, the music companies are eying defeat at their own game. In a way Napster started it all. But the honors in round one were taken by the music companies. Napster was shut down. Few of my friends at IIT were served legal notices in the course of legal process as well. Since then, I have been afraid to use my real address for my online accounts. Anyway, that is beyond the scope of this discussion. Internet did prove to be a difficult medium to control for the companies. In an oblique way it was responsible for the consolidation that happened in the music industry (Sony-BMG, Universal-Vivendi etc). It did redefine the playing ground. The balance of power is now skewed in favour of the consumers for sure. Copying a cassette was cumbersome and an audio CD was next to impossible in the early days (no ubiquitous access to CD burners) and the later days (with the advent of copy protected CD) as well. But Mp format changed it all. One can burn hundreds of songs on a CDs/USB drives. Or conveniently carry thousands of them in that cool device given to you by Steve Job's army of dudes.


A recent Wall Street Journal article highlights the plight of the music industry:



In recent weeks, the music industry has posted some of the weakest sales it has ever recorded. This year has already seen the two lowest-selling No. 1 albums since Nielsen SoundScan, which tracks music sales, was launched in 1991.



One week, "American Idol" runner-up Chris Daughtry's rock band sold just 65,000 copies of its chart-topping album; another week, the "Dreamgirls" movie soundtrack sold a mere 60,000. As recently as 2005, there were many weeks when such tallies wouldn't have been enough to crack the top 30 sellers. In prior years, it wasn't uncommon for a No. 1 record to sell 500,000 or 600,000 copies a week.



In general, even today's big titles are stalling out far earlier than they did a few years ago.



So is that the end of the music industry as we know it? Would the CD turn into a marketing shenanigan to promote tours, merchandise and future brand equity of an artist? I would reckon that it is too early to write an obituary on the structure of music industry. Online sales of music have been rising at an astounding rate of 54%. Even at this rate, the strong decline in CD sales is weighing heavy on industry giants. It would be hard to deny that these are the make or break years for the music industry. It is so easy to download music, videos etc from the ever increasing set of websites, the myspaces, mp3 blogs and the normal data transfer channels. A research report by BigChampagne claims that about a billion songs are traded on illegal file-sharing networks every month! The silver line being the fact that music is reaching more people in smaller time frames. A music lover has never had it this good ;)

However, this would make it difficult for most music companies to invest in budding artists because the risk-return equation on any album has undergone a humungous amount of change over the last decade. Even the best selling artists are finding it difficult to sell more albums. This trend stares you in the eye at the specialty retail chains like MusicWorld, Planet M etc. As late as 2002, I remember crowds thronging these music retail shops. But in 2007, after a gap of about 11 months, I stepped into the Music world at Brigade road. There were exactly 2 customers other than me in the shop – precariously low for the weekend! A walk across the road took me to planet M and the scene was not very different. The shops are not making money and it is evident in the poor quality of the décor, lighting etc – not the signs of a happening retail destination for sure.

While EMI decides to sell without anti-piracy protection in a desperate measure to improve sales, I wonder if the artists and the fans are looking down the barrel as well! If the music marketing companies meet an uncalled-for demise, what would happen for all the good music that is not mass market? What would happen to the marginal artists who are encouraged (?) by the money these companies invest in them? May be, the ‘middle-man’ would die and some internet based music release forum replaces them. May be, it would be better than the present arrangement… may be it would be worse. Only time will tell! Meanwhile let me download that number from Delhi Heights that refuses to leave my consciousness these days!

The Tonight Tamasha!

It started a few weeks back. Or was it days? Who cares...? Feel like stuck in a time warp! The frenzy, the spirited send-offs, the songs sung by all and sundry have come to this. One pathetic day against Bangladesh has forced us into a nail-biting stand-off with the Lankans. I would have wished for an intense, uncertain and an interesting tussle between the ball and the bat anyway for this encounter. But this is not I would have dreamt of in the worst of my nightmares! There is a strong possibility that India be eliminated tonight. I fear for the worst and hope for the best!


This might be my last post on cricket for a long time to come. Yes, the possibility exists. Inspite of the elimination of pakistan, imminent elimination of India, Murder of Woolmer, Sledging off the field and many more of such incidents - I believe many of us would not be interested in Cricket for some time if we were to lose tonight!


With about 10,000 crores riding on the match today in betting money, one just wonders if it is all fixed. A grandiose version of Donald Trump's WWE! Hope not! I think more money enters the betting arena on other sports. As I type this Upul Tharanga has hit Agarkar for two consecutive 4s. And I think the MIB need my support and yours as well!


Here's to the underdog! Am really hoping that this is not the send-off that the stalwarts of yesteryears get. Zaheer just took off Jayasurya...


Hoping to type some more iff you-know-what happens!

Air Dhakkan

Col. Gopalan would be nothing short of overjoyed at this. His heist is working out just fine. And nobody is hauling him to the consumer courts of our defunct customer protection machinery. After all, he is the messiah who has democratized Air travel for the Indian hoi-polloi. Ah! Those days of 99 Rs ticket that would get taxed by another 221 Rs. Gone are those days! Between Messers Gopalan, Krishna and the other civil aviation ministers, they have ensured that air travel does not remain ‘cheap’ anymore. Actually, some credit goes to the oil traders in US and UK exchanges as well!

I made a mistake. I make a lot of mistakes but this is special. I bought a ticket with Deccan and then decided to cancel a leg! Since that fateful decision, I have spent some 98 minutes (and counting!) on the phone listening to the instrumental version of ‘Another Day in Paradise’ and the message ‘Thank you for calling Air Deccan, please wait while your call is being transferred to a customer support executive shortly.’ I have started feeling that I know this lady intimately. No sensible woman has spent so much time talking to me in a long long time! Typical woman she is, no idea of value of time. Lady, I am telling you – 103 minutes (counting) is not shortly. Since she is almost a friend now, I take her advice when she tells me to get onto the website and do what I want to.

Being the normal sensible person I am, I did it even before she told me. But after 7 continuous clicks on ‘Cancel Bookings’ and subsequent encounters with the enclosed screen, I gave up to hear her croon! I hope god offers warranty, my ears are about to fall off!

But, when a woman nags you to get onto a website every 30 seconds for 108 minutes, you do not have much choice. So I logged on to the website. Clicked on the link and voila! A hitherto unseen page appeared before my eyes. I was almost overjoyed. With a tinge of remorse, I almost admitted to myself that at times even nagging women mean well. But how mistaken I was. Because the next page was the following:



It asked me to click on ‘Modify’ or ‘Remove’ button. Any normal person would have been baffled by so much choice. But the abnormal person I am, I embarked on the challenge just to fall short of it. WHERE ARE THE BUTTONS? NOWHERE! Sach bol raha hoon, I am planning to file a FIR at the Gumshuda talash Kendra at Daryaganj, New Delhi. Buttons ko jinda ya murda dhoondne waale ko Rs. 50000/- inaam! Looks like the Dhakkans seem to have taken the line, ‘you can checkout any time you want, but you can never leave’, too seriously!

But thankfully, I had not kept the receiver down. So after 118 minutes, and a total recall of that friends episode that Phoebe spends on the phone, Naveen gets on to the phone. I complain. He is dismissive at best. But thankfully, he does cancel my ticket. So he saved my day (Wednesday of the next week to be precise!). Kal kya hoga kisko pata! Am flying with them tomorrow! Say a small prayer for me tonight. Till then, Khuda kafiz!

Why I Hate Hindu

Have been wanting to write. But could not think of anything that was not threateningly personal to some people. And life has taught me that it makes sense to keep the bakar to myself. Finally, as I was reading this in the top stories section of a newspaper, something in me got as gleeful as it could have gotten.

I subscribe to The Hindu. The no-nonsense newspaper that reports only news worthy of "reporting". So there would be 2000 word articles on health legislation in US, decline of pluralist thought in France, hung parliament in Serbia and time based extrapolative effects of the bhootmange massacre. Heavy stuff, eh? Yes, I admit, I am the masochist of the newspaper world! But every once in a while you need to know if Jade Goody is in India or if Amitabh has a thing for Vidya Balan! It is for this noble reason that I go tap-tap today!

I have a confession to make. I am, for no evident reason, missing Delhi times (To a lesser extent, the Delhi edition of TOI too) today. Those insightful discussions on the glam world, the 3.5* rating for KANK and the delightful pictorial representation of all data. My favorite was the article just after the CSO (Central Statistical Organisation) had estimated that the GDP growth rate for a particular quarter was in excess of 9%. There was this accompanying graph interposed on photograph of a girl with a tantalizingly short skirt with the caption: "Rising Hemlines: GDP growth rates move northwards." I remember Dilip Padgaonkar (TOI, Editor in Chief) justifying this by "a newspaper needs to get the attention to the important news items. We encourage usage of visual aids, as research has proven their efficacy."

Alas! N Ram of Hindu never gets to see this research. The only photograph I cannot forget from last 3 years of uninterrupted Hindu subscription is that of a punctured skull of Veerappan! Sad sight it was. No wonder I prefer to borrow TOI from my neighbours for covering shelves etc. Hindu, the dork it is, never betrays the human penchant for chak-mak gossip. One of these days they would come-up with a small article on Shivaji. But that is about it. No stories on Rakhi Sawant (the one that got the puppy), Elizabeth Taylor-Arun Nayyar wedding, John Abraham being mistaken for Antonio Banderas etc. How can a self-respecting human being exist without all of these? TOI, HT and party have this wisdom and Hindu does not! Someone please tell the content team at Hindu about the embarrassing situation that I am in, when my more informed peer group gossips about the Akshay-Salman tiff over the over-friendliness of Akshay towards Katrina! One look, only one look at me, amidst that conversation would convince Ed. Ram to revamp the entire content management strategy! Remind me to photograph myself, next time it happens.

On a serious note, Hindu sucks at sports coverage. Wonder why they cannot get some of the sportstar people to write every once in a while. Baaki sab to thik hai!

What Is Wrong With Tendulkar?

Let me start of by sharing a few myths that threaten to occupy collective consciousness of cricket following populace.

"He is not a match winner any more"

"India has lost the game in most of Tendulkar's high scoring matches"

"Lara and Ganguly have won more matches for their country than Tendulkar"

"Most of his centuries have come against cricket minions"

"He is a burden on the team and we would rather someone else don the cap that he wears for India"

The operating word here is "myth" - so let me try and demystify Tendulkar's non-performance for you.

Just a look at his record and a comparison with the fellow 'greats' tells you that you are lucky to have seen him play.

Table : Top batsmen in One-day format

India has emerged victorious 29 times from the 41 centuries of Tendulkar.

The charge I hear most often is these days that SRT labors for runs. Incidentally, the records tell a different story. The time taken to reach 10K milestone by the so called more aggressive batsmen has been more. More surprise, the career strike rates of the so called quick scoring willow-men are lower as well. Amongst all the batsmen who have score more than 5000 one day runs, only Gilchrist and Jayasuriya have a higher strike rate. Even the ‘explosive’ Ponting has a lower strike rate. Tendulkar has also been a handy bowler with a 147 wicket haul to boast about. Anyway, I know I need not wax eloquent about what Tendlya is capable of, numbers speak for themselves.

Table: Matches taken to get to the 10,000 milestone

He is often charged of plundering runs against the minnows. Let us look at the record of centuries scored against Minor cricketing nations viz., Namibia, Kenya, UAE, Netherlands, Bangladesh and Zimbabwe (though I believe that the Zimbabwe team of Heath Streak with the flower brothers was a good team. Remember the 3-0 white wash of the English team in 1996!)

Table: Performance against Cricket Minions


Thus, a whopping 32 centuries of Tendulkar have come against the greater cricketing powers with 6 of them against Australia. Even at 32 centuries he stands taller than all the other top run getters in ODI cricket!

Is Tendulkar a match winner? We will figure that out from the following analysis.

Table: Match winning capability

Let me explain how this table works. The first two columns are 100s and 50s made for the match-winning side by the player. Here, we see that Ponting firing means almost a certain victory for his team as the Aussies have returned victors for 86% of(f) all the matches that Ponting has scores a 50/100. But to the surprise of many Tendulkar doubters, we do win most of the times when Tendulkar fires! (Though we might all want that number of 63% to be a tad higher)

But hey! Tendulkar compares poorly with the other greats here. Why? Cricket is a team game and very often victory (or loss) is a function of how the rest of the team performs. So lets move on to the second half of the table. ‘Team performance’ is the number of matches won from all the matches that the player has played. ‘Team Dependency’ is the ratio of matches where the player has ‘scored’ and ‘Team performance – Matches won’. This ratio conveys the dependency of the team on the player for winning a match.

So Inzy seems to be blessed with a team that is least dependent on him for winning a match, he has fired in only 28% of the matches that his team has won with he as a member of playing eleven. Ponting has a lower number than most others. But that was expected, Aussies are a fearsome lot on the greens with each of the playing eleven a potential match winner! They have won 67% of all the matches that Ponting has played for them.

And unexpectedly (!), Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar is the best that India has got! Though the above analysis shows that Lara (42%) is marginally better than Tendulkar (40%) when it comes to winning matches for the team, Tendulkar is undoubtedly better than anyone else! He has been instrumental to team victories 40% of the times the team has won which, as the table shows, is more than most ODI batting legends. On absolute numbers, he has won more matches for his team than anyone else.

And to answer the question that the title poses, NOTHING! Yes, he has had a miserable last year. But he looks in good nick! And every cricket fan in the country hopes (at least secretly) that Tendulkar sees us through in this world cup! After all, he is the highest run getter in the cup of all times. And in the matches that India has won, he has an average of about 80!

Table: World Cup Performance

With this last deluge of numbers, I sign-off. I think all the myths have been taken care of, except the first one. So, please to do a memory refresh, he was the Man-of-the-Series for the recently concluded ODI series with West Indies!

Yeh Desh Hai Veer Jawanon Ka!

The band broke into the tune of “Yeh desh hain Veer Jawanon ka” and I knew that we were close to Rambagh palace where the wedding was supposed to happen. It is a tune that never fails to amuse me especially because all the marriage bands play it at least thrice for every outing they get to make. A tried and tested number that makes that most bashful of aunties shake a leg or two! But the buzz is that kajrare is all set to dethrone it as the compulsive body shaker. In one my chit-chats with one of the uncles in one of the weddings, the topic under discussion was the inappropriateness of this song. Pat came the reply, “Arre if the jawan is not veer enough, how would he muster the courage to go through all this?”

Anyway, Bullbull was in no need for any courage, he had shown his intentions with his surprise item in the ladies Sangeet. Trusti matched him with Piya to-se naina which was as graceful as Waheeda’s actual rendition in Guide. I think all of us were awed by the well choreographed show put up by both the families. I for one was so stunned at a certain point that I could not clap. It was like watching something on TV! Finally we also ended on the dance floor and did some real mean jigs. One of the high points of the day was the trip to the railway station at 1:30 AM in the night. We did squeeze 7 people in a Wagon R. It still beats me how none of them complained! Tea was refreshing indeed. And I realized that I know more of Jaipur than I think I do!

Back to the baraat scene. It started raining. I saw a few aunties berating the groom for eating in Karahi (the belief is that it rains if the groom eats in a karahi. My mom tells me that it will rain many times over in my wedding, whenever it happens). All happened as planned. After the Jayamaal and the grub, we moved for the Pheras. The women, Tulli, Laika and Tanvir, retired for the day. Gori and Pee also gave up after a while (I seriously doubt if it was even a while!). Bhushan and I prevailed but if alternate reports are to be believed, I took sufficient power naps to be captured on camera multiple times!

Anyway, the Spice Jet flight proved to be an adventure in more than one ways. Apart from the rough take-off and landing that had my neighbour clutching the arm-rests and everything else, the experience was incredibly bad! The flight from Jaipur was just 3.5 hrs late and I almost missed my connecting flight (With Spice Jet again!). I could hardly believe my ears as I was told that Spice Jet is a point-to-point carrier and only 600 Rupees would be deducted for me missing the connecting flight! They charge you for all the inconvenience they cause you. It is your fault that you chose them in the first place. Anyway, as luck had it, the connecting flight was delayed as well. So after some confusion and a couple of “Last Call for Mr. Mehta” later, I managed to board the flight. On landing, Namma Bengaluru had the airs of a town that had a dawn to dusk bundh planned for its denizens the very next day. Perfect end to the perfect weekend! The only spoiler was the unavailability of bread at all the supermarkets. We will talk about that some other time. I think I will go download the song; it is still playing in my consciousness!

Late again!

I was late again. But this time it was something that I am never late for. I think I drove like a possessed person. It was almost like being late for JEE. Another reason why it was different is that the delay was due to a friend who believes that all late comers are inflicted by a deadly disease called prateekolytis. I was late for a Kailash Kher & Lucky Ali concert. I missed almost all the songs of Kailash. He was done with Diwani and other songs of Kailasa by the time we reached IIMB. All I got was Allah ke bande, Chak-de-fatte (Kholsa ka Ghosla) and Sanu ek Pal (Cover version of Nusrat's original). Vishy, I am not forgiving you for this for a long long time to come!

Lucky Ali was good as well. He did all his hits. He is not that great a performer on stage. But he manages the sweet raspy sound that has earned him fans across the globe(?). Kailash Kher seems to more at home on stage. Finally, had to settle for a few rounds of kailasa with some vodka thrown in for good measure. So, to all the people who read this, do invite me if Kailash performs at a location close to you. I think I will be willing to travel if need be!

Talking about music, there is something magical about the voice of Chinmayee! It is nothing short of magic when she starts off with "tere binaa chaand kaa sonaa khotaa re" in Tere bina of Guru. Another in-the-loop song on winamp! Another number that fascinates is "Maula mere maula" from Anwar. Roop Kumar Rathore does an amazing job with the vocals. At times, I feel that he is one of the most underutilized singers of bollywood. A new boy by the name of Mithoon is the music director. Apparently, he shares credits with Pritam (Gangster, Mere yaar ki shaadi fame) for Bas Ek Pal.

And on an unrealted note, watch Annie Hall. Based on a real life relationship between Woody Allen and Diane Keaton (Playing themselves in the movie), it talks about Anhedonia (a state of acute melancholia with an inability to experience pleasure and enjoy oneself) - a state that Woody is trapped in. Funny with a great comic timing, must watch! Dekh Lo...

Good work ESPN

ESPN is doing something really nice with PHL. The quality of the game is ok. Players still dribble a lot. Trapping is bad and passing patchy. But the speed and the uncertainty of the game of hockey is very much there. Businesses and touts do smell an opportunity here. So much so that the domain name www.phlhockey.com has been registered by some "Pylon hockey league." But ESPN got smart and registered it in a different name. The “Pile-on” was largely unsuccessful!

The coverage has stark similarities with the way NBA is covered. Players are profiled. Small interviews are shot and shown. Field incidents are covered in great detail. Doctors treating injured players give their opinion. Time-out conversations are shown. And the best part is that most of it is in Hindi! So you cannot help but feel the excitement when the Maratha Warriors coach tells Viren Rasquinha to "Ball lekar uske left side se nikal ja, wahan par reflex kharaab hai". You have to rejoice when Mukesh Kumar puts his fingers between his lips and whistles away to glory as Shakeel Abbasi manages to find the net.

However, the sad part is that the numbers in the stadium are miniscule. But it feels great to see the ball rolling under the flood lights. If only KPS Gill does something similar on the administration side of things! But that would be to expect too much from someone who is shamefully power hungry. We probably have the best team in years but all that talent seems to be destined to ignominy. Any hockey follower would have been weaned away from the game because of what Mr. Gill has been doing to Indian Hockey. If only Mani Shankar Aiyar (Minister of Sports and Youth Affaris) does something, i.e. get someone capable and passionate at the helm of affairs, we might get a chance to see what the present team is capable of!

AWOL

I have been away, to use an acronym from the late nineteenth/early twentieth century, AWOL! Have traveled a bit and had the last two Mondays as non-working. So life has been looking up!

Mathur got married. But I cannot write about marriages without writing a long piece about Namu's wedding. So will skip that with the remark that I have a few hundred rupees notes as sabashi for the incessant dancing, which has been ascribed the unbecoming verb of body-throwing in my specific context, on Mathur's Mehendi-Ki-raat. I think it might have to do something with the adulterated Limca that I laced my inners with! But thanks to this wedding, I got to see Lodhi Garden in Delhi. Beautiful place, one has to visit this place to believe that it is in Delhi. I think Delhi has many such treats to offer but one never gets down to enjoying them when he is around!

And then I visited the hallowed city of Rajnikant and his adoring fans. Stayed three houses away from Ms. Jayalalitha. She does have a huge house for a single woman of her age. Anyway it is always good to be back in Chennai (for a short while, I must add - just in case, there is a god and has a funny sense of humour). So I was there for a visa interview. People in U.S., no need to raise the alarm. This was more of a just-in-case visa and nothing to do with a visit in the offing. But the entire experience of getting a visa is very humbling or did-I-mean humiliating, indeed! Even the guards at the consulate treat you with a lot of antagonism. The Consulate in-charge gives the most condescending of lectures on "how to handle your visa interview".

"Say Hello to you interviewer. What would you say?"

Silence

"I did not hear anything"

Some people mumble Hello.

"Did you say something?"

That does elicit a louder Hello! And he goes on to complete his set of instructions which are as helpful as the one that was just discussed. To add injury to salt (or it is the reverse), I got ripped off by an autowallah. I really hate being ripped off, especially by the autowallahs. Amma! They are still not using the fare meters.

This is the centenary year of Satyagriha. And Gandhigiri is all that our TV channels can think of. Seriously wish some channel has the sense to run a decent program. But I guess it is too much to ask for. Why burden your viewers with a program on Gandhian principles while you have the choice of inflicting them with the mangal-dosh in Aishwarya's horoscope and Shilpa's coup in Big Brother! I think an apt justification to this would be the market demand for the fatuous and a lack of appreciation for anything more purposeful. I really hope this is not the case!